Assertiveness
Induction of choice
Most people want to be liked…and in the past it often seemed that the easiest way of dealing with a situation where assertiveness was called for was to simply give in… or just go with the flow. However…you’re beginning to realize more and more that by allowing others to trample over your feelings or needs you are denying yourself of the basic human right…the right to be treated fairly by others…and to receive respect…not only from those who are taking advantage…even more importantly… respect from yourself. You also realize that by allowing dominant or greedy people to cheat you…you are indeed reinforcing unfair…self-centred behaviour in those people concerned…helping them to become even more arrogant or chauvinistic… that’s why you’ve decided to do something about it…and from now on you’re going to be standing up for yourself more and more. You can do this easily and effectively…without violating the rights of others…simply by tactfully, justly and effectively expressing your preferences, needs, opinions and feelings.
You’re going to find yourself speaking up more, making requests or asking for favours and insisting that your rights be respected as the significant, equal human being…that you are. For we are all children of the Universe…with as much right as any other person in this world to be treated fairly and with respect. No more suffering in silence or turning the other cheek…or assuming that nothing can be done to improve an uncomfortable situation…from now on you find it easy to express negative emotions should you feel that they are justified…you can express complaints when you’re not satisfied, resentment, criticism, disagreement and intimidation when appropriate…without worrying unnecessarily about losing anyone’s approval. If you don’t want to do something or go somewhere then it is your right to say no, you can refuse requests from others without feeling obliged to make excuses or give reasons…if you really don’t want to do something you firmly and emphatically say…No.
Being assertive comes naturally to you…you also enjoy showing positive emotions such as joy, pride, liking someone, attraction…and giving genuine compliments. Just as you learn to accept, compliments that are given to you by saying “Thank you.”
You begin to question authority or tradition…not to rebel…but to assume responsibility for asserting your share of control of the situation…to enable you to make things better. You are no one’s slave.
You find that you can initiate, carry on, change and terminate conversations comfortably. You enjoy sharing your feelings, opinions and experiences with others and others enjoy listening and communicating with you
More and more…you learn to deal positively and assertively with minor irritations before your anger builds into resentment…because you realize where changes are needed and you believe in your rights.
As children we are bombarded with rules…being told not to do this or not to do that…and these rules help to produce submissive children…and later…submissive adults. There are probably good reasons for many of these rules for children…however, as adults, we need not blindly follow rules. Indeed, every one of these injunctions should be broken under certain conditions: You have a right to be first (sometimes), to make mistakes, to be emotional, to express your feelings, to have your own reasons, to stop others and ask questions, to ask for help, to ask for reasonable changes, to have your work acknowledged, to be alone, to say “no” or “I don’t have time,” and so on. You can see now that you were negatively hypnotized – and how those old feelings prevented you from asserting yourself. You are not a child anymore…you are an adult who has a right to say and do what you feel is right.
And by asserting yourself in this way you show that you expect respect…and because you expect respect…that is just what you get…and every day you feel happier so much more confident.
Assertiveness
Create a scene in your mind…if you will…of a person whom…to you…is the epitome of your ideal assertive persona. Someone who will not be bullied into accepting an opinion, which is in conflict with theirs, someone who will stand up for what they believe is right and just, someone who commands respect for their views.
Watch how he or she interacts with others…listen to the way they communicate… and…when you’re ready…step inside that person and feel what it’s like to be them.
(Pause for a moment or two)
Now place this new you into a situation where you need to assert yourself. Hear what you say, see how you command respect…notice how effectively you communicate with others and notice the good feelings inside you as you describe the changes you’d like made, being specific about what action should stop and what should start…ensuring that the requested changes are reasonable and considering the other person’s needs too. You are willing to make changes yourself in return if necessary because you take other people’s feelings into consideration as well as your own. Day by day you are becoming much more assertive and confident in yourself… these changes reflect upon other people’s behaviour to and expectations of you… they realize that you are not going to be subject to their whims and demands…they treat you with the respect you deserve. These suggestions are embedded in your subconscious mind and grow stronger and stronger day by day. Not because I say so, it’s because that’s just the way it is…isn’t it?