Positive Self Talk

 

Self Talk

 with Jimmy Petruzzi

http://www.nlp-trainingcourses.com

                                                  Self Talk

  • The power of words, think of some of the most inspirational speeches you have heard. Words can have an impact on people, because the association to that word may have a much deeper implication or meaning. The same can be said in a positive way, a thank you, please, well done can go along way.
  • Have you ever sat in the dressing room before the start of a match and the coach said a speech or found the right words to inspire you and the team. Or have you  done something well during a match and nobody acknowledged you, gave you any praise.
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  • Seligman analyzed the explanatory styles of sports teams and found that the more optimistic teams created more positive synergy and performed better than the pessimistic ones
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  • One of the most important people if not the most important people you will ever communicate with is yourself.
  • At this point your probably thinking communicate with myself, yes we do communicate with ourselves and the impact our inner dialogue has on our life is immense, in this chapter I will explain how our inner dialogue works and provide you with exercises which can give your life a completely new perspective and meaning,
  • Often we are our own biggest critic, how we communicate to ourselves at times, our inner dialogue can have a big influence on how we think and feel.It has been established by psychologists and neuroscientists we carry on an ongoing dialog, or self-talk, of between 150 and 300 words a minute. This works out to a dialog between 45,000 and 51,000 words a day. Most of out self-talk is harmless dialog that evolve around our daily activities like, “I need to stop at the shop to pick up some milk.” I wonder what’s on television tonight, what should we have for dinner on tomorrow night. The danger in the context of sport is when inner dialogue takes on a negative connotation related to our participation as a coach or athlete such as, “I am not good enough to play at this level,” “I am useless, I always mess things up,” or “I cant handle the pressure,  we always lose at penalties, I haven’t got the natural ability to play sport.” The ongoing negative reinforcement created by habitual negative self-talk results in the creation of a limiting belief(s) that goes on to become self-fulfilling prophecy. Your parents, family, partners, teachers, coaches, team mates, fans,friends have such an affect on you that their words can become buried in your brain and phrases echo around your head. Sometimes you hear your parent’s comments in a situation you’ve experienced before only this time you’re telling yourself the same thing! If you hear the same negative comments too often you may believe them and tell yourself what others think is true.Take a moment to think about your own inner self dialogue,and the impact it is having on your life, think of some of words going through your mind.
  • It is estimated by research, that it’s necessary for the ratio of positive-to-negative comments be at least five to one for a relationship to be healthy and survive long-term. For these reasons, we’re taught not to let others put us down. And equally as important not to put ourselves down.
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  • Our self talk, or the words our inner dialogue uses when we think, can shape our ability to perform in sport, and influence our attitude and behaviour towards our participation, how we respond to certain situations in a match i.e. . Whether have the confidence to express ourselves during a game, or attempt a new technique or skill. It can affect our confidence, can increase our stress levels, limit our potential, and can influence our outlook on an experience. Can almost become a self fulfilled prophecy. If you keep telling yourself something you may end up believing it.
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  • Language can be influential
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  • They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel
  • Carl W. Buechner
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  • Inevitably, every coach will hunger for the right words when trying to communicate with his team, especially in certain situations. Whether the situation is before a big game, after a loss, while overcoming adversity, or otherwise, articulating the right idea in words can be most important in the ongoing drive for success. There is always a need for saying the right thing at the right time
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  • If you’ve been told by a team mate, that someone in your team is completely useless. You will probably perceive that person as more incapable than if you’ve been told they ‘need assistance with certain tasks’ or ‘need a bit of guidance’.
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  • Limited by our vocabulary
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  • If you say I will never be good at this, I don’t deserve it, I am stupid.
  •  “I can’t do this” or “This is not for me” “I don’t deserve it”, you more likely can’t. This is because your subconscious mind tends to believe the thoughts it hears. You can limit your abilities by telling yourself you “can’t”, that “this is too hard” or that you “shouldn’t even try”.

 

  • I once remember working with a group of coaches of a football team, that would shout at the side of the touch line off the top of their voice to the players dont lose the ball, dont foul, dont miss the target and  inevitably thats what excatily would happen on the field, we will look into this a bit more later in the chapter.

And the negativity would rub off onto the players, i conversed with one of  the players and he said he felt stifled, he was afraid to make a mistake, i asked him to tell me a list of phrases and words going through hes head  whilst playing and they were al negative.

We transformed his inner dialogue, like changing feel stifled, to feel like a powerful, and the use of language had a massive impact getting gim back into form

  • Exercise
  • Just think about it for one moment, take a few moments to think about a write down some of the things you say to your self. Jot down a couple of phrases, words. As you write some of the things down, imagine the impact these words are having on your life. 

How would you describe yourself in your ability to participate in your sport ?

  • How would you describe yourself as a sports person or coach?
  • One of my clients once had a list of over 50 negative statements they were continuously saying to themselves over and over again in their mind. Whilst driving to training, they found themselves saying I hate this team, though I am too useless to find a better team. Then every time they made a mistake, at in training they would call themselves a moron, a useless idiot, good for nothing. Even when he was playing a match he would find himself saying this teams out of my league, I am not goods enough to play against a team like this? And the list went on. I said to my client, how important is it for you to succeed in as a footballer? He told me it was all he ever wanted to do. I said would when did you first have the dream of being a footballer, He said around 4 years of age. And I said if you were coaching a  4 year old who had a dream of being a footballer would you say those things to yourself. Some of the things we find acceptable to say to ourselves we wouldn’t dream of saying to any one else as we are aware of the impact it would have on our relationship with the person. Well the most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself.
  • Now lets look at some techniques you can implement to transform your inner dialogue
  • Techniques to break negative states and strategies for positive self talk

          Thought-Stopping: As you notice yourself saying something negative in your mind, you can stop your thought mid-stream my saying to yourself “Stop”. Saying this aloud will be more powerful, and having to say it aloud will make you more aware of how many times you are stopping negative thoughts, and where.

          Rubber-Band Snap: Another therapeutic trick is to walk around with a rubber band around your wrist; as you notice negative self-talk, pull the band away from your skin and let it snap back. It’ll hurt a little, and serve as a slightly negative consequence that will both make you more aware of your thoughts, and help to stop them! (Or, if you don’t want to subject yourself to walking around with a rubber band on your wrist, you’ll be even more careful to limit the negative thoughts!)

Turning a Negative into a Positive

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  • 1. Describe a situation in your sport which you often tend to think/talk negatively to yourself.
  • 2. Identify the negative statement you say to yourself.
  • 3. Identify words or thoughts you can use to help you stop the negative thought.
  • 4. List positive, beneficial statements you can use to replace your negative thoughts. These should be meaningful to you.
  • Positive language The main reason for giving a positive instruction is the mind does not understand how to process a negative instruction. I.e. if I say to you don’t think of the colour black, what do you think of? The very thing you were asked you not to do!
  • By using the principle of using positive instruction -Stating what you want rather than what you don’t want can have a powerful positive effect on the mind, but many people still tell themselves  what they don’t want, producing negative thoughts.
  •  An example if football, a coach might say to his players don’t lose the ball or when you shoot doesn’t miss the target might be the instruction, but would it not be better to instruct the player when he shoots to hit the target?  Or keep possession. Phrases such as ‘don’t foul’, ‘don’t lose the ball’, ‘and don’t lose the game’ can all be replaced by more.
  • Positive instructions
  • The same applies to different aspects  of our sport whether we are a coach or player, using our inner dialogue or communicating to someone else. Like have you ever told one of you team mates or as a coach, dont miss the target, dont lose the ball. And that’s exactly what they process in their mind.
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  • Communication exercise positive Self Talk
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  • List 5 negative instructions you say to yourself, and replace them with a positive instruction.
  • For example as you might make an error in your game, and say to yourself you idiot you always get that wrong.
  • Are more favourable instruction might be how can I learn from this and improve the situation.
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  • Remember Focus on the outcome you want
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  • Negative instruction
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  • 1:  I am hapless I will never get good at this
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  • Positive instruction
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  • 1:  I am an amazing person; I have learnt many techniques in the past and will do in the future
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  • Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.
  • Author Unknown
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  •                           Communication exercise Giving Instructions
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  • List 5 negative instructions you give to your players, performers, team mates and replace them with a positive instruction.
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  • An example in football the coach may say don’t lose the ball to one of his players.
  • Are more favourable instruction might be keep possession.
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Focus on the outcome you want!

  • Negative instruction
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  • Positive instruction
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Transforming the way you perform in your sport by using the power of linguistics, the more you work at this the better an easier it becomes. This is a resourceful chapter you can revisit time and time again, however the impact of changing even one negative word to something more positive can completely change your mindset and outlook on your sport